My Life: A Small Update

Hello?

Is this thing on?

I have been absent in the world of the blogging for years. Today, things will begin to change.

When I first started by blog, I was in a world of chaos.

I had just received my Bachelors in Psychology along with my Minor in Counseling and I was tirelessly filling out resumes day-after-day in the hopes of landing a job in the a field that related to my degree. I was constantly thinking about my ex and believing that living in close proximity to him would be the spark to rekindle our relationship and the change needed for our relationship to work. In addition, I was living in a house occupied by fifteen of my family members.

The pressure to begin my adult life and start my professional career had increased to the point that I was sleeping and eating less and throwing random tantrums when my family asked questions about my life.

After researching ways to deal with stress and reading on how writing could be a helpful coping strategy to deal with my anxiety,  I decided to start this blog.

During the process of writing and reflecting on my life, I was better able to understand the multiple traumas that had occurred in my childhood and how they shaped my perception of the world. The more I wrote, the more comfortable I became about sharing  intimate moments of my life and gradually, the number of followers on my blog started to grow. Soon, they began sharing their own traumatic experiences, disclosing how they overcame those obstacles, or how they were dealing with their daily struggles.

Regardless of how different our paths in life had been, my followers were able to find something to relate to in my writings and were supportive and encouraged my journey of self-discovery.

Engaging with them offered insight on the importance of sharing life moments with strangers and made me aware of my need for connecting with people no matter how different we each may seem.

That was five years ago.

Today, I can confidently say that, at the core, I am still me, but my understanding of the world has changed.

I no longer carry the burden of others on my shoulders and have prioritized myself and my mental health.

I can only laugh now when I think back on how I used to blame myself for the actions of those around me and how I approached life trying to vigorously help every single person that meant something to me.

I almost lost my sanity in doing so.

I can let go now and move forward with my life.

I would like to say thanks.  For the people that randomly showed up in my life – the ones who broke my heart, the ones who pieced it back together, and the ones who filled it with love.

I am not alone. And I hope you, whoever you may be or wherever you may come from, understand that you’re not alone either.

I was once you. And in some strange way, I hope this journey that we call life, brings us closer together.

Here’s to the future and the continuation of sharing my life experiences with the beautiful people willing to listen.

Thank you! Truly.

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My Life: Becoming a freelance writer

Hello? Is this thing on?

If so, I would like to say hi and welcome you to my blog. And for those who have not heard from me in years, I would like to apologize. My life these past two years have been chaotic (and that’s keeping it simple). I went from home to home trying to find a place to call my own, changed job positions, and invested a significant amount of time and money on pursuing a Masters degree.

However, life happened and I am no longer in the right circumstances to continue.

I hope to share with you, in time, that chapter of my life. You’ll understand all of my struggles, my joys, and my pains. But for now, I would like to share that I am no longer going to school. These past few months I have been trying to find meaning in my life and in the process, I have decided to become a freelance writer. To tell you the truth, I don’t have a idea of what I am getting myself into, but that has never stopped me before.

When my guidance counselor told me that I would not go to a four-year college, I ended up graduating from San Francisco State University with a B.A. in Psychology and minor in Counseling. When all my other brother’s dropped out of school, I applied to a Masters program and got in. And I will continue to move forward regardless.

My stories aren’t too sophisticated (trust me, I know). Nor are they grammatically perfect (that is a creative choice). But they are honest (I promise). And that’s why I want to write and make a living out of it. I want to share my story and help at least one person get through the day. Or to make them laugh. Or cry. Or make them not feel alone.

And with that announcement, I would like some help from you.

I know this may alienate the people who read my blog, but I would appreciate any leads that can help in me becoming a freelance writer or at least a place where I can make a living sharing my stories.

Here is a list of some stories that show off my writing skills. I hope you all enjoy them! 🙂

Life: A Message To My Future Daughter

The Night My Life Changed: An Introduction

The Brother Who Left My Life

The First Sexual Encounter Of My Life

I know it’s a long shot, but it’s an attempt. Hopefully someone out there can hear me. Thank you.

Sincerely,

EDDY

If you like what you see, feel free to make a donation to my Paypal. Any amount would be appreciated. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

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Life: A Message To My Future Daughter

I want to start off by letting you know how happy I am that you’re in my life and to let you know you’re beautiful.

At the time of writing, I am 24 years old, have my Bachelors in Psychology, and working with at-risk adolescent girls. My life is far from perfect. I am single, living with my parents, and only working part time. Sometimes I wonder why I should keep going. Other times, I don’t want to stop. I am writing to let you know that I struggled to get you. See, at the age of 21, I realized that I wanted a daughter. But there were problems. I was gay and depressed. Young and immature. And all I could think about was how bad things had gotten with my family.

Back then, my family life wasn’t the best. Your grandmother and uncles had been deported, one of them was missing, and I was hiding my secret from everyone. So I moved to San Francisco to escape. I know. What a scary and selfish thing to do. To leave your family and be on your own. But you know what? Those two years were some of the best in my life. I was exploring a new city, making new friends, and being openly gay.

You see, I always struggled with making friends. Real ones. Ones who still wanted to be my friend even if I shut down on them repeatedly. And on those cold nights in San Francisco, surrounded by my gay friends studying, playing, or drinking, I felt accepted. And for a brief moment I was happy.

When I left San Francisco to move back in with my family, I realized that I had to become an adult. But I never was good with change. And boy did I struggle. I was jobless. Poor. Lonely. And my depression worsened. I thought about leaving this world. And how nobody needed me.

I hope you don’t think about the same things I once thought. Or I hope you would be able to talk about them with me. Things do get better. I can promise you that much.

Because when I was about to give up on the world, the world showed me that it wasn’t going to give up on me. I ended up getting a job working with at-risk adolescent girls. And just like that my life changed. I actually looked forward to waking up in the morning. And taking care of those girls, who never experienced a loving home or were struggling to find hope in their young lives, gave my life purpose for once. And when I held their daughters, looked in their eyes, and saw their smile, I knew what I wanted in my life.

I wanted you.

I know I will have to wait a few years from now to adopt you, but I can’t wait. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms for the first time. I can’t wait to stay awake all night trying put you to sleep.  I can’t wait to get tired after running around the house playing with you. Because hearing your laugh will be worth it. I can’t wait to hear you talk and have a conversation with you. And to understand the world as you see it. I can’t wait to see you grow into the most beautiful person you can be.

So I would like to thank you. For being there for me even when you weren’t. And I hope that makes sense someday. And if it doesn’t, I’ll make sure I’ll be there to tell you.

If you like what you see, feel free to make a donation to my Paypal. Any amount would be appreciated. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

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