My Life: Please Don’t Judge My Weirdness

I made it to Post #25 ya’ll!

Instead of writing something new, I thought of going back to the past. When I first started this blog and writing random posts. These posts were more simple and short. Kind of like me. They were before I had an audience who seemed to care about my life. Before I started writing more meaningful and longer posts. Not that there is anything wrong with that (Seinfeld reference). But I think it is fun to look back and read all of my randomness. So here are a few of my favorite posts that just didn’t garner much views. I hope you give them a try. And please, don’t judge my weirdness! 😛

My Life Through Daft Punk: All Time Views: 22

I guess people just don’t like the French. Haha. Just kidding of course. This post was inspired when I was going through a rough breakdown in the summer of 2013 and the only thing that seemed to help was listening to a song titled, “Fresh” by Daft Punk. The post describes the images that go through my head when I hear that song. I will admit that the writing is a bit choppy, but I was just starting to write! Geeze, I said not to judge. Anyways, if you like Daft Punk and pictures of the beach, you will definitely like this post.

https://eddybcruz.wordpress.com/2013/07/31/my-life-through-daft-punk/

My Life In Story: All Time Views: 46

Okay now, I’m quite proud of this post right here. Not because I spent a month putting pieces of my interests together, but because the finished story feels perfect to me. I think this was when I decided that writing could be…like you know…fun! I hope you can spot all the references.

Music: Daft Punk, LCD Soundsystem, No Doubt. Deadmu5, Les Miserables. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Books: The Catcher In The Rye, The Virgin Suicides, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, Fun Home. T.V. Shows: Arrested Development, HIMYM Movies: The Dark Knight, The Matrix, Up. Places: San Francisco, Orange County, LA.

https://eddybcruz.wordpress.com/2013/08/01/my-life-in-story/

My Life Through My Thoughts: All Time Views: 44

This post gives you some insight into what I thought about when I was younger. The post reads more like a diary entry, but I like the fact that it also let’s you know what I was thinking about before I had a breakdown. It’s short and honest.

https://eddybcruz.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-life-through-my-thoughts/

BONUS: The First Relationship Of My Life: All Time Views: 62

Okay, I have no idea why this post didn’t get many views. This was the start of when I started to write long and meaningful stories. And to be honest, this was a deeper reveal into my personal life. This post tells the story of when I was young and in love (as cheesy as it sounds). If you ever wanted to know about my relationships, then this will definitely give you a glimpse.

https://eddybcruz.wordpress.com/2013/07/27/the-first-relationship-of-my-life/

Anyways, I hope you give these posts a try and enjoy reading them as much as I loved writing them. Until next time my fellow bloggers. Let’s see what Post #50 brings.

My Life Through Daft Punk

I love Daft Punk. My family and friends all know. Honestly, they look like really humble guys and they seem to put a lot of heart into their songs. Their instrumental house songs are my favorite because I’m allowed the freedom to think of many of my life stories. Songs with lyrics have a story to tell and they can limit your interpretation with words. I’m not always in love or heart-broken, but I do always feel. I think songs without lyrics let you feel more.

My favorite song from Daft Punk is called “Fresh.” The song starts with the sound of waves. In the middle part of the song, the tune forms words that I believe say “Hey, don’t be sad.” Of course, that’s all in my head, so when I listen my imagination starts to wander from the start. I imagine myself being at Laguna Beach during the night. The sky is clear and I could see the stars. Its really beautiful. I’m holding hands with my husband and we’re hearing the waves. All the drama we had and the adversity we faced from family no longer matters. We are in love. We look at each other, kiss, and I am no longer sad.

This story would be perfect if it ended that way. I want to tell you the truth. That scene did happen. Except the person I was holding hands with was my ex; not my husband. Suddenly, the song changes meaning and the scene shifts to me being alone at Huntington Beach (I go there whenever I need to clear my head). I am listening to the waves as the sun sets. I see a girl rolling her jeans up as she walks into the water. She stares off into the distance, looks at me, and smiles. The words “Hey, don’t be sad,” now make perfect sense.

I went to Huntington Beach earlier this month to clear my head.

Perhaps my love of the beach makes “Fresh” a perfect song to hear. Maybe the song has too much sentimental value that it will forever be my favorite. I don’t know. I do know that I love Daft Punk. Their songs have been the soundtrack to my life and now my little brother loves them as well. One thing they have thought me is that I shouldn’t be sad, and you shouldn’t either.

My Life In Diary

I’m the type of person who forgets to write in my diary no matter how hard I try to remember, and I do try, honest. I’m just really busy or too tired to remember at times. I mean, I don’t have that bad of a memory. I’m actually good at remembering names of people who don’t know mine, recognizing faces of people who I met once, or knowing what song reminds you of your summer when you were 18, small details that mean something to you. However, I have a hard time remembering where I left my headphones or wallet.

My life isn’t that interesting to be writing in my diary every day, so I daydream of a more interesting life. Please don’t tease. In my mind, I won the lottery and invested in successful companies under my brothers name.  My doctor told me I had a terrible disease and only had a few months to live. Knowing this, I traveled the world and wrote in my diary ever day. When I passed away, my friends found and published my diary. The world was exposed to my life and thoughts during the time I had this terrible disease (it was very inspirational). But that’s not my life. I’m not a best-seller and I don’t write in my diary anymore.

I have replaced writing in my diary with blogging. I don’t want to write every little thing that has happened to me over the course of a day. I want to take the time to reflect on certain time periods. I want to be as free to write my thoughts in my posts as I am when writing in my diary entry, even if I do feel judged. My diary is very personal. I hope my posts are too.

I have been working on this post for 3 hours now (I forgot to mention that I’m the slowest writer in the world). People have entered and left my house. Certain events have happened that have made me nervous, even scared. I continue to write because I want you to know about me.

I would like to end my post saying that I’m writing for you and I hope you like it.

My Life Through My Thoughts

I was the type of person who didn’t need many friends to enjoy life, and I did a great job at not going to school events, house parties, my friends house, or any place where I needed to be social. Heck, I went to my first house party during my first semester at my community college, but I felt so uncomfortable that I strayed away from making conversation with people. I expected this from myself. To be honest, I’m a shy person at heart. No amount of alcohol or friends will change who I really am. But this does not change the fact that, lately, I have been wanting to hang out with friends a lot more than usual. I’m changing and this scares me.

I used to enjoy spending time alone. During high school, I used to walk straight home and arrive around 3:00 pm (3:15 pm was pushing it). I spent the rest of the day in my house, thinking about the world, and wondering what my friends were doing. I was sheltered, but I felt safe. Perhaps the feeling of being safe always prevented me from going out into this “dangerous world.” I used the 20 minute walks to and from school to escape my world and enter a world I made up. A world where I had enough money to leave home and travel around countries that I saw on television, or take trips to space and see the world from a different perspective. I wasn’t very imaginative, but I pretended to be. I lived my life through my thoughts and I would stay there for hours and that was all that I needed.

Now things are different. I no longer think about going to space nor do I have a routine to follow. I spend most of my time thinking about finding a job that will help me in the future and spending time with my friends because I fear losing contact with them. I want to go back to not having to worry about my future. A time when I thought I was creative.

A picture of Eddy street I took while walking around San Francisco.

But this isn’t a blog about a person who wants to go back to being a child or reminiscing about his adolescent years. No. I want to go back to six months ago, when I needed time to be alone. I walked around San Francisco for hours and did not reply to any texts from friends. I simply walked and admired where I was at the moment. I was happy. I didn’t care about much, but myself. That’s what I want to do now. I want to care about myself, be alone in thought, and enjoy life.