The Friends In My Life

I don’t have many friends; I’m not going to lie. Well, not many real friends. You know, the type of friends who will answer your call at 11pm and talk with you the whole night. The type of friends who know your secrets and don’t judge you based on your past no matter how dirty it once was. The ones who let you know they will always be there when you need them the day you tell them you have just given up on the world and suddenly feel alone. Yeah, I don’t have many of those real friends.

In fact, most of my friends don’t know each other. They consist of people from different school organizations or programs I have been involved in (gay and straight). They have their own group of friends that I will never meet or share inside jokes, so sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a close group of friends. You know, like the ones on the television who are always hanging out and have plenty of silly stories to share with each other.

I don’t mean to sound negative; I really don’t. I’m happy with the friends I have made, the majority being girl friends (the perks of being a gay guy I suppose). Having plenty of girl friends allows me to share my feelings and relationship problems a lot more openly. Because most don’t hang out with each other, I have the luxury of venting to each one of them about my problems without boring them too much, and each time analyzing my situation a bit further. I hope I’m not using them. I like when they call me “love,” honey,” or “boo,” because that shows they genuinely care about me. I like when they ask about my life, but find this odd because I’m really not an interesting person.

I have a monotone voice that makes a funny story that I’m telling my friends sound like a sad story (I don’t even know how that’s possible). I also have the power of invisibility. I have the tendency to be hanging out with a group of my friends without them really noticing me. The more people in the group, the less I talk (unless I drink of course). I honestly don’t know how I make friends. I’m even more surprised that I’m able to keep them around or I guess after a while they really do leave. Not my best friend though, she’s MY one real friend.

Her and I were in the same program in community college, but we hardly talked in the beginning. We starting talking the following year and ever since then we have truly become the best of friends. I’m able to be my true self when I’m with her, the uncensored-always-making-sexual-innuendos-gay-boy that I am. She even has a nickname for me, Eddyface. I’m still thinking of one for her. If there’s a moment of silence, I never feel awkward, and the laughs that we share are real. I tell her the lame jokes that I tell my family, and she actually finds them funny (at least, I hope she’s not lying). What I love most is that she puts up with my relationship drama and the constant rambles about my life. Kind of like you.

I know I don’t know you, but I do consider you my friend. You know a bit about myself that many people don’t care to know or want to hear. I know I have confused you because I tell you I act differently with my friends, and if I have, then you now know what it’s like to be my friend. Welcome.

My friends wou

I doubt my friends would let me post a picture of them, so here’s a picture of the Bay Bridge I took during an afternoon walk.

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20 thoughts on “The Friends In My Life

  1. Francesca says:

    I’m the same way, Eddy. I keep my group of friends separate, but now I only have one group of friends anyway. Whenever I introduced two separate groups of friends in the past, both of the groups ended up ditching me and I’m like wtf, have they forgotten who introduced them to their “awesomeness?” I introduced everyone thinking that we’d all be friends, but I guess they didn’t have the same thoughts in mind. They weren’t really my friends if they did that but I’m glad I finally found a group of friends I can count on. That’s awesome you’ve found a good girl friend you can be yourself around.

    -Jessica

    • Awe. I’m sorry to hear that both groups have ditched you in the past, but I’m glad you now have a group of friends you can count on. As for me, I have plenty of girl friends, but I want to make guy friends as well. I’m working on that. Haha.

      • Francesca says:

        Lol, thanks. I have the exact opposite problem as you. I have way too many guy friends and want some girl friends. I live with two guys since I couldn’t find any decent girl roommates. I like my roommates, but I gotta hang out with some girls, too, ha.

  2. Hi Eddy, I like ur posts.
    Some time I feels the same way like yours toward friendship. I am in Jakarta for 5 years now. My circle of friends shifted many times. But I always have friends to hangout with. Some friends remind close to me even we dont talk much or hangout together anymore. I only.have gay guy friends, I dont hv close straight or girl friends.
    I hope you can find a group of guy friends, it really help to get through our life as gay.

  3. HI EDDY, I hope you can find a group of guy friends, it really help to get through our life as gay. I am in Jakarta for 5 years now. My circle of friends shifted many times. But I always have friends to hangout with. Some friends remind close to me even we dont talk much or hangout together anymore. I only.have gay guy friends, I dont hv close straight or girl friends.

  4. I totes get that, I too have a small group of friends that I can rely on and most of them don’t really know each other either, I just like to think eventually the day that I get married they will all be united by their friendship and support for me x

    • Yup, that’s exactly my situation. OMG I have the same thought. I picture my friends and family together while my husband and I are holding hands appreciating all the love.

      • Totes, although at this moment in time I am single and my past record isn’t shining . I know that at a point in the not to distant future , I will find a guy that wants to settle down with me .. And then I can have my happy ending 🙂 as the saying goes.. Good things come to those who wait x

      • Trust me, I know a lot about having a bad record when it comes to relationships. I really like your optimism and your positive personality. You seem like a really nice person and that will be what others see and they will gravitate toward you. Keep being yourself. – Eddy

      • Aww that’s sweet 🙂 thanks , I try to remain positive despite knock backs 🙂 lol or maybe I’ve just seen too many rom coms !
        I hope you find the right guy for you too soon x

  5. It is quite funny how most gay guys’ best friends are girls. I think there is an element of attraction that makes us that way. I love your given ‘nickname’. Way, way, cute! Eddyface…. 🙂

    I have lived away from the Bay Area for about 2 years now…I’m glad you shared the photo. I miss it up there!

    • I think it’s funny as well. I think they are attracted to us because we are awesome, but that’s just my opinion. Thanks. I love my nickname too. Wow! Why did you decide to move away?

      • I thought living a “farmer’s life” in Texas, near my family was what I wanted. It was cute for a year, or so, but I needed concrete, lots and lots of concrete. I do miss my donkeys, hens and goats. Oh, and my family too.

        Decided to come to LA for the experience and to add it to the long list of places I have lived. A part of me still longs for SF. NYC is on my list of places I’d like to experience.

  6. I enjoy your writing skills. You seem to be very friendly and open with feelings. You seem very unjudgmental. You even liked my post which is called “you’re not gay.” You could have been offended but instead you were the only one who clicked “like.” How nice of you. In fact even though I have a lot of readers and comments you are the only one who ever clicked like so thank you and I thought I’d read your blog. Bless you! I pray you talk to Jesus because then you’ll know what it’s like not to feel lonely. He does talk back. And He likes you.

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